The End of a Long Journey

As of Tuesday, I will no longer be a SAHM.

As of Tuesday, I will send my daughter back to the daycare she once attended.

As of Tuesday, I will no longer spend my days searching.

As of Tuesday, I will be working once again!

My SAHM time

About a month ago we made the decision that we couldn't justify keeping K in daycare any longer. So we gave our two week notice at daycare and I became a stay at home mommy.

Let me just say that this isn't my first go at being a stay at home mom. When L was younger than K is now, I tried it for about six months. I think I made us both horribly miserable. As much as I loved my son, I quickly figured out that my kid was happier and I was happier when I worked. Along with this revelation came waves of guilt. I mean, come on, what kind of mother am I that I would rather put my kiddo in daycare, in the care of strangers, than spend the days at home with him looking into his big brown eyes? This horrible mommy, that's who.

This time, with K, has been much different. I think we've gotten into a pretty good routine. She's loves to play and help me around the house. I think I've finally gotten her to watch a 30 min kids show. I still haven't found that good balance between getting housework done and spending time with her, but it's getting better. She loves to get out and shop and can't wait to get L from school every day. We spend our days with princesses, flash cards, and food. The child snacks all day long, but that's a post for another day.

I still have those moments when I can't wait to get back to work everyday. I don't think those will ever go away. I do know that when I return to work this time, it's going to be much, much harder. I'm getting sad just thinking about it.

Staying Positive

I am trying to stay positive about my job outlook. It's getting harder and harder every day. I broke down in front of my kids the other day and immediately hated myself for it. Logan has more faith in myself than I do right now and I don't like it, not one little bit.

So I'm working on focusing on other things, like our upcoming trip to Walt Disney World. I'm sure you are thinking, how is an unemployed woman taking her family to Disney. Well, we planned this trip right before I lost my job and made the decision to continue with it afterwards. It may have not been the best decision money wise (which countless people have commented on, thanks for that, I really need to be told it was a bad decision) but what's done is done and we will be leaving in 17 days.

I'm focusing on the fact that Logan will be turning five (OMG, where did the time go?) while we are in Disney. That the focus will be on HIM that week. Kaelin's just along for the ride.

I'm focusing on planning a small gathering to celebrate Logan's birthday once we return.

I'm focusing on being a stay at home mom for a while. We had been keeping Kaelin in daycare in hopes that my job loss would be brief and we wouldn't have to disrupt her world too many times, but as a cost cutting measure, we are pulling her out for a while. Hopefully, it won't be hard to find something when I do get a job.

I'm focusing on myself. I'm working out again since injuring myself doing EA Active for the Wii and then being sick with the never ending cold. I'm not doing this for weight loss, although losing a few pounds would be great, I doing this because I'm tired of sitting and waiting.

So here's to staying positive! Let's hope that it's the start of some very good things to come...

6 months ago

Six months have passed since I lost my job.

I've applied for over 160 jobs. Been on countless interviews. And yet, here I sit, in my yoga pants, on my couch.

This is getting ridiculous. Really ridiculous. I've said it before, I don't deserve to be here. I deserve to be employed. I deserve a job with a supervisor who appreciates my skills. My family deserves to have the income that I should be earning, instead of my crap unemployment check that arrives later and later every week.

Damn it, someone hire me already. I am a really good employee. Dedicated, loyal, and dependable.

In other news... I've blogged two days in a row. Go me!

2010 is not being nice to me...

... and we are only 5 days into the new year.

It started off so well. Big Blue Daddy and I went out for New Year's Eve without kids for the first time in forever with another couple. Drinking was involved and the other couple started a bit earlier than we did. We went to Harry's and ate appetizers and drinks. Yummy stuff! We actually went home before midnight and managed to stay awake until 12:05 before we crashed. After kids, you forget how to stay up late. Even got to sleep in the next day and get the Christmas decorations down before the kids returned, sick.

And that's when things started downhill.

Three rejection letters for jobs, one I thought I had for sure.

Two sick kids. Logan's week to bring snacks means I get up early after a rough night and take them in.

Buying the aforementioned snacks, the battery in my car died. It's colder than cold outside.

Remembering that the tags on one car expired in December. DOH! Can't take sick kids to renew them.

So I'm definitely not starting the year off on the right foot. I'm not ready to give up on you yet, 2010. I'm positive there are good things in my future. I just know it. I know the sickness in my house won't last forever. I know Big Blue Daddy will be promoted or he will find a job where he's appreciated. I'm going to Disney World for Logan's birthday. I will have a job that I love. It's all going to turn around soon.

I just know it!